Apparently my muted cries for plush front row seating have been heard…

Yes, I’m a front row Christian.  Yes, I like my La-Z-Boy recliner.  Yes, I like naps.  Oh, whoops…

http://babylonbee.com/news/church-unveils-new-full-body-massage-pews/

I was alerted to the article above by my Pastor, Steve, recently.  I found it humorous.  As always, I came back to the thought later and pondered for a bit not having dealt with it forthwith like I probably should have.  I guess I’m one of “those guys” that does that.  I trip over something as simple as an idea, or reality, and possibly even truth.  I lay there on the ground, stupidly, looking at the object or reason for my fall.  ….And like most of us, I immediately jump right back up, hurriedly dust myself off, and go on with my day giving not one second of thought to the experience I just encountered.

Have I described you?  Hard to say.  But I can assure you I have described myself thoroughly.

James 1:5 – If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 

Yeah, I giggled over the article.  I even made a facebook comment, which was the origin of the communication from Steve to me, about how I’d eventually be guilty of knee capping my fellow parishioners for the comfortable and cozy front row’s vibrating leather clad seating sent straight from Heaven…  Sure, eventually the rest of the church would be retrofitted, but at what cost?  …And I’m not referring to the coffers.  Heh, heh…

Proverbs 20:13 – Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread.

I think Steve, Brian, and the choir/song leaders are fantastic, but I’m telling you straight up.  If I was in some pulsating recliner I wouldn’t make it past the fifteen minute mark of the sermon.  And if the devil rolled up and added the optional rump heat feature, I’d be out before we made it through song…

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It’s kind of funny to think about though.  Can you imagine what Sunday Service would shake out like in a church filled with those?  We’d all be reclined and smug in our little cow hide cocoons, and Pastor Steve would bellow out, “Please rise and join me in prayer…” only to hear the deafening whir of 388 electric motors as the seats all moved into the upright position and the legs were folded back under the chairs…

Don’t forget to envision the look of disdain from Steve as he gazes upon the inevitable handful of listless congregation members who slept through his plea and command to ascend…  I know that isn’t supposed to be funny, but I’m giggling just pondering what it would look like.  Can you imagine seeing the meandering vein on your Pastor’s forehead grow almost instantly to the size of the flowing Nile?  What about how the lightning bolt from his eyes to the slumbering throng would be perceived by the flock if he could muster it?

Proverbs 17:22 – A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Part of me would actually like to see how this would go over.  …But I’m ok with the pews as they are for now…  😉

2 thoughts on “Apparently my muted cries for plush front row seating have been heard…

  1. Great read as always…but you’re making me self conscious. Is there really a large vein that pops out in my forehead and lightning that I shoot from my eyes? Don’t worry, you would never see those chairs at Cornerstone. I don’t need to give anybody another reason to sleep during my sermons 🙂

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