Let Them by Cassie Phillips
Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.
Let them lose you.
You were never theirs because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.
Let them have a safe place in you.
Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.
Let them love you.
I ran across this poem not long ago and it appears to be picking up speed over the last year or so in various circles. Most can be found on social media groups soft on the Lord and heavy on the assertion of victim status. And if you read through this poem a few times you can clearly see why. There are hints within this poem of a series of Biblical concepts, certainly in Matthew 5. If you aren’t clear on this, you should chase that link and brush up a bit, as this blog centers on that chapter.
If you take a deeper dive though, the Matthew 5 concepts, whether they’re surrounding personal relationships, discipleship, or the Beatitudes, don’t have an undertow of victimology as this poem implies. It is important to properly grasp when we’ve been wronged and what our response should be as defined by Him. Turning the other cheek is often misunderstood, but vital. Yet, we can’t ignore some of the glaring problems with taking the posture this poem tacitly offers.
I’m curious. At what point did we become our own? “You were never theirs because you were always your own,” is the line at the pivot point of the poem. I thought we were His. And when we realize we belong to the Lord, a good portion of this poem flies out the window. How could you love somebody that truly needed it if you waited for them to check all your boxes first? Didn’t He come to fulfill the law and shape things into two simple precepts – love Him and love each other?
Yes, if you’ve been hurt by a loved one, spouse, or significant other, I can see how this poem might grab you. The big risk present here is the self-pity that so often accompanies words that are arranged like this.
I’d prefer to believe Cassie Phillips had the best of intentions when penning this poem. I don’t have such talents, so I’m left to admire her work. She’s doing something I’m unable to do and I’m glad she is. But I caution you on how you consider and apply it. If the sentiment is as simple as “Don’t be a punching bag,” then I’ll back you up on that notion. But… If you instead put up walls rather than forgive and love, all while you feel sorry for yourself, you’re going to end up in a really lousy place more than likely. When we elevate ourselves beyond being hers/his or our own and recognize we belong to the Lord, it truly improves the quality of our thoughts and behavior.
Take the monkey off your back and give it to Him. Learn how you each OUGHT to behave instead of relying on the flawed view of a poem that touched a nerve. There is a time for everything we learn in Ecclesiastes, but you shouldn’t linger long in melancholy. Skip the cliche screenshots and stop hitting the “Share” button on things like this. If you’re truly interested in understanding, proper behavior, the nature of love, and best practices for living, go read Matthew 5 with as much passion as you did Cassie’s poem. Then keep rereading it every single day until you “get it” – trust me, you’ll recognize when that day comes.
I pray you both grasp and become salt and light. He loves you, as do I.
Nice blog! Very well said 🙂
Thank you!
Allowing others time and space to change is a given, unless it involves physical or mental harm. However, after you have done all you can and no change is taking place in someone we would have in our lives, the advice in the poem expresses well what we should do.
If the person is truly interested in us, they won’t just talk about changing, nor will they continually say they are sorry, but still have the same hurtful, harmful behaviors. Actions always speak what is in the heart.
Sometimes we find we’re not “equally yoked” in our relationship. And you’re right, depending on the circumstances, it might well be wise to do yourself and the other a big favor, by stopping the relationship.
If you think about it, this places an even higher importance on being “equally yoked” on the front end. We seem to have lost the art of dating. We don’t explore one another any longer and we accept things that are red flags instead of embracing the warning signs.
I think we can do much better in this realm if we chose to become Biblically literate and then actually use those many stories and examples to make our choices.
I came across this today and I wanted to say Thank You. I have been “dealing with” a major situation with my mother, things were said feeling were hurt to the point we haven’t seen or spoken in about 6mths. After reading your blog, I realize that the Let Them (Her) Theory can only go so far. Thank you for bringing Matthew 5 to my attention. I plan on reading it until I “get it”. I don’t want to end my relationship with her, but something needs to change for us to be able to move forward.
You’re certainly welcome, and I’m praying for both Grace and forgiveness – a softened heart for all.
Yes, the entire Bible of profitable for learning and I shouldn’t have favorites, but I’ll admit that Matthew 5 and the Beatitudes, especially how it begins with the first two lines of scripture, elevate my mind and heart. I cherish them and the whole of the Sermon on the Mount.
Thank you for your thoughts. Just ran across this because I was looking for the text of a poem I remember reading years ago that may (or may not) have been this one. I find it fascinating the different interpretations and impressions poems sometimes make on each of us as an individual. I read your article with a sense of disbelief at first, and am going to have to study it more to see if I can see it better through your lens.
What struck me most about it was the message of giving up the desire to control others’ feelings and actions, which I think is also what G-d wants us to do and allow him to do the arranging. And yes, I agree we are His and not our own, but being our own and not belonging to another human being is a step in the right direction. When I gave up worrying about what others thought and striving to please G-d instead of people, then I found the peace I think the author is trying to express. Some of my deepest pain came from being left out of events and invitations from people I thought were my friends in Christ. My journey had to include that because I was relying on those relationships instead of the One in whose name we were gathered.
Thank you for your work.
You’re certainly welcome. I recently had to get my mind clear on a very similar concept. I’ve got some church family that my family dearly loves. But they’re a tad younger than us by about 15 or 20 years. Maybe this is an age thing, or maybe culture. I’m not sure… But they tend to “ghost” us often. We’ll make plans, and they’ll bail or not show. They don’t return phone calls or texts often. …And frankly it hurts my feelings and sometimes makes me just plain mad.
I had to recall that what I should have done was simply love them as best I was able, and if they don’t wish to include me and my family, we can spend our time in other ways that Glorifies Him. When I finally was able to do that, my unease dissipated quickly. I don’t know the nature of the relationship with that particular family moving forward, but I’ll sure enjoy them when I can. …Without putting myself into a funk in between… For that recipe is ripe for the devil’s picking.
The poem is about leaving the choice for them to choose you because you are worthy of being chosen, and about showing them that you will not lower yourself to their behaviour, because you should not ask to be respected.
There’s a lot to unpack there, and I agree you shouldn’t need to ask for respect. It should be granted automatically and withdrawn only when proven necessary.
However, we should carefully define what “worthy” means in the societal sense as well as the Biblical sense. The societal idea of worthiness is fluid and subjective, so we can get in a lot of trouble there. The Biblical idea of worthiness is objective and concrete, and we’re NOT worthy. We killed Christ. We were and are offered His Grace even though we certainly don’t deserve it and haven’t earned it. God isn’t loving, HE IS LOVE. And since we can’t compare in any way, we’re not worthy. Simple.
But, for the purposes of coming alongside one another decency must be imported, and when Jesus came and fulfilled the law, He told us to love Him and love one another. That certainly includes tenants that are intangible but completely necessary like justice, love, fidelity, honor, etc. When we do that and receive that, things go much better.
thank you for this…..hit home today
It is my pleasure, Georgia. God’s never-ending peace to you.
No, it is not self-pity, but dignity. Let them love you… if they want to
You missed the entire point of the blog. I understand your point, but it stems from a point of selfishness, rather than selflessness. Consider that.
Notice, I didn’t suggest you be linked with something inherently bad for you. Instead, elevate your thinking and your next link might be better.
This poem has given me so much freedom I can’t even begin to tell you. It lets me know it’s okay too let them be them and maybe me and I don’t have to try and change things.